What kind of revolutionary are you?

Let’s be real - the revolution has already started. 

Like every kind of movement it’s hard to pinpoint the moment it started, like how one day we were in the midst of the British Invasion and the next it was disco, disco, disco. 

But it’s clear that our latest revolution is well underway, and for those of us who are somewhat unprepared I think it's time to make some choices about what contributions we’re planning to make.

Personally, I’d like to be an agent of chaos.

My greatest dream is to be a White House intern who just fucks shit up. But little things. More annoying than catastrophic.

The goal is to make life slightly harder for the perpetrators. To drive them nuts. To engender infighting, backbiting, blamestorming and thus, ultimately, bring daily operations to a grinding halt.

Like taking the batteries out of every remote so no one can run their tasteless power points, and then disabling random keys on computer keyboards so one person can't type an i and another can't type a t. 

And then maybe I’ll switch up numbers and names on doors so confused visitors are wandering into offices and asking for directions. 

How about also swapping out decaf and regular coffee, and even that grade school April fools joke of switching the salt and the sugar? 

I’d put sticky stuff on the floor so everyone's shoes are a little bit tacky on the bottom. 

Then I’d definitely teach autocorrect updated spellings of key staffer’s names, so Pete Hegseth would show up as Pet’s Hogsbreath and Marco Rubio would revert to Mark Rubikscube. 

Naturally I’d hide tiny bluetooth speakers everywhere and play Bad Bunny on repeat. Imagine Titi Me Pregunto blasting from the rafters during every Cabinet meeting?! Pure gold. 

Wait - is there a public address system in the White House? Because I'd love to interrupt everyone every hour with Not Like Us. I mean, it might be about Drake, but substitute Donnie and the song still tracks. 

I’d dribble fish oil into the heating vents and turn down the volume on the telephone headsets. Fill the copy machines with hot pink paper and the desks with end-of-their-life ballpoints.

Wreak low-level havoc until the place falls apart.

This could be happening simultaneously at Meta HQ, and the offices of Amazon, Target, Tesla, Twitter and everywhere else billionaires are ruining culture, commerce and community.

But for those who prefer more straightforward employment, here are a few potential job openings. (Though I think that roles we’ve never imagined will be thrust upon us, and just like a matriculating high school senior you may not yet have heard of the job you'll end up in.)

1. Feeder of the masses. This is important. If you've got a knack for getting vast quantities of nutritious food into the hands of the hungry your services will be in high demand. Got a family recipe that will scale up? Grandma would be proud to see you feeding the revolution with her signature chicken cacciatore, but better make it vegan.
2. Protester. It takes a lot of perseverance to keep showing up on the streets day after day after day. Especially when the weenies in the masks are spraying you with tear gas. This is a rotating assignment, and we should all sign up for at least a shift or two.
3. Propagandist. Do not underestimate the power of a good slogan. If you're currently in advertising, accept that you're likely part of the problem and put your expertise to good use by coming up with anti-fascist polemics. Fancy yourself a talented rapper? We always need more protest songs. 
4. Artist. Whether it’s theater or sculpture or a flash mob singing Bohemian Rhapsody. It's bold or it’s subtle, but it’s essential; the artists show us that there is beauty and joy in resistance.
5. Hacker. Never ever have we needed these provocateurs more. If this is you, please, for the love of the internet, get into the deep recesses of big tech and lay waste to whatever systems you can find. Surely the pink power ranger and her friends can come up with some likely targets. Extra credit for using a tech company’s own AI tools against them.
6. Warm body. The good people of Minneapolis have shown us that enough people getting in their way can make for massive federal agent headaches. There are around 350 million of us - we outnumber them by hundreds of millions.

The time has come to take up arms, and they don’t have to be the kind that spit bullets. Be as creative as you can; we’ve seen that inflatable frogs can turn the tide, if only temporarily. 

Let’s create the kind of revolution we can be proud of, that won’t give us all PTSD.

Ok, love you, bye.

Julia

PS - Lest you think that anti-war publicity doesn’t rise to the creative level of, say, ads for athletic gear, listen to this account of how the Columbian government used one the nation’s most successful ad agencies to demobilize members of the FARC.

The Beatles want a morally sound revolution, and so does this email. Forward it to someone who fights for peace.