Plank by plank

She could do this all day.

I’m trying to get back into shape. By which I mostly mean that I am THINKING about trying. A daily plank and a couple of five pound rows ain't gonna do it! And yet? I am a bit sore. Yikes.

This is funny because I regularly lift and carry and move around stuff that weighs more than five pounds. Though to be fair I don't generally hold my body weight off the ground on my forearms so I guess the plank is doing its job.

I have at various times in my life been in excellent shape, physically, and this is not one of those times. Even on my daily habits tracker (and no I'm not prepared to get into that just now) I have the barest of bare exercise goals so possibly the old mindset is lacking.

I would dearly love to get back to being fit again but it turns out that there is an equal part of me that is not interested, but would prefer to sip rosé and watch Jon Hamm break into his neighbor’s houses.

Now, we can talk all day about motivation and neuro-trickery and how to overcome the ways our brains keep us from moving ahead. I just started reading Never Finished [affiliate link] by David Goggins and I have to say that while I don't think his way is my way, I see where he's coming from.

He's basically his own drill sergeant, telling himself that if he wants to continue to be a slimy cockroach in the cereal box of life he can just eat another cheeseburger and blame his fate, but if he wants to be successful he'll get his ass to the gym and study for the Navy Seals entrance exam! Boom!

(Side note - his book comes in regular and “clean” editions which I find charming, possibly because I swear like a Seal myself.)

Alas, if my inner drill sergeant started berating me like that I’m pretty sure I’d tell her to eat dirt and get myself to Killer Burger, stat. My way of motivating myself to do better is gentler and involves rewiring my brain to feel like a decent capable human. Goggins would likely scoff but hey, I know by now that yelling at myself isn't helpful.

Anyway. How to get my body back into shape when it seems to want to mostly rest? Even when resting is not the thing that's making it feel better?

Ugh, I guess it’s time for an admission: I know that part of the reason I'm not motivated is that I am way the hell post menopausal and I fear that getting into decent physical shape, while rewarding in its own way, will not have the effect of making me look great.

And I wish I could tell you that I don't really care how I look and it's all about health but come on, when we say that are we really telling the truth? Because we've been conditioned since before birth to try to look good and in this time, in this culture, being slim and fit is what is considered good.

And I truly mean that - not that it's considered beautiful, which of course it is, but also good. Because if you are not beautiful and fit you are not intrinsically good.

At least this is the messaging we're taking in every day along with our microplastics and Kombucha.

Fat is lazy is bad is ugly. Fit is beautiful is good is worthy. And this lives deep within us and is as hard to get away from as whatever ear worm you’re currently battling - mine is usually Pink Pony Club which is a song I adore but not rattling around my brain with its poor acoustics.

But you know what? To hell with this Kardashian culture, I choose to be strong. Fuck health. Fuck beauty. I want to be able to carry a 50 pound bag of fertilizer across my very large yard. So I'd better get back to the plank and the rows and the squats and the Turkish get ups.

And if I do not love the process maybe for once in my 60 years I will be results-driven and just do the thing. Well, I'll let you know how it goes.

OK, love you, bye!

Julia

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