One, two, three, snooze
I've been a poor sleeper, historically. Honestly, I sleep pretty well now, all things considered. I mean, I still wake up several times per night, but since I can usually climb back into slumber pretty quickly it seems quite manageable.
A friend recently told me they'd slept straight through the night and I had to stop and think about the last time I might have enjoyed such unfettered rest. Decades, certainly. I mean, ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT? I don't even really get that.
My kids also suffer from insomnia, though I think theirs is more the I-can't-fall-asleep type than the I-can't-stay-asleep type. Regardless, any sleep is good sleep and anything that promotes that sleep is good in my book. Unless, you know, it's serious drugs? I frown upon the kind of serious drugs that would put you into an all-night stupor.
This is a very long-winded way of saying that I've found a thing that helps put me back to sleep when I'm wakeful during the night, and that thing is people talking to me. I've made my way through several decade's worth of my favorite podcasts, lots of David Sedaris, and am now deep into the sleep stories on the Calm app. Those last two are things I've paid for, and while it's worth vast amounts of cash to get a good night's sleep, I'm all about finding it for free.
So here is my roundup of no-cost sleep doula-ing. Not all of these would work for me, but if you're also tormented by hours of staring into the dark you might find something in here to help.
Here they are:
But first. The thing is, if you're listening to humans then it all comes down to the voice of the narrator, so the best material in the world isn't going to get you to sleep unless you find the reader soothing. There are a million podcasts, meditations, nature sounds, etc. out there, and if you're desperate (like me) you'll try them all out until you find your jam, so to speak.
Bob Ross. If you're looking for a soothing voice, it's hard to find one better than the painting instructor extraordinaire. This YouTube video is audio-only with a black screen, and ads have been removed (though that's always subject to the Big Tech Overlords).
Sleep Baseball. So I guess this is actually fake baseball? You hear commentators describing the action in slow, neutral voices, and there's the (very gentle) crack of the bat, along with other sounds straight from the diamond. Personally I would find this more annoying than soothing, but then I've never been enamored of America's Favorite Pastime. Maybe the real thing is more your style? But, you know, slow and mellow. There's a channel for that.
The Shipping Forecast. You've likely heard of these; the BBC has been including this description of wind and weather four times daily for decades. It sounds like poetry, honestly, and is curiously soothing. This one is my favorite, and includes a background of waves. At 22 minutes it's enough to get you to sleep then leave you in peace. For long-form murmuring, there's this one, a 5-hour compilation of several different announcers. Google and find many, many options. Once you've become a fan of the genre, try this very short satire featuring Stephen Fry.
Airplane cabin? I have to say, it's a very nice white noise, and they've got several versions. Not sure if this is really the sound you get sitting in first class, since I strictly fly economy.
Game of Thrones episodes recaps. No kidding! Called Game of Drones, this podcast theoretically recounts the action of each episode but goes off on some pretty tenuous tangents. They even recreate their ad jingles to be soothing. Personally I found this to be wildly annoying, so no sleep here for me. But to each their own, right?
The host has another extremely popular sleep podcast called Sleep With Me. Again, I find it irritating, but they've dropped over 1200 episodes and have a 4.5 out of 5 rating, so clearly it's working for some people.
Boring Books for Bedtime. Like, seriously boring books. And bits of catalogs and manuals. I like this podcast, and the choice of literature is inspired. Personally, I found The Wealth of Nations, by Adam Smith, to be a real snoozer.
Scientifically engineered music? This Spotify playlist was designed by classical composer Max Richter and neuroscientist David Eagleman to send you to lalaland in no time. The composer calls it “A manifesto for a slower pace of existence." Just reading that make me feel relaxed!
All that and more... The Slow Radio podcast from BBC3 covers a huge range of soundscapes, from nature to human-made. Trains, beehives, the interior of a Hindu temple - if you can't find what you're looking for elsewhere give some of these a listen.
I hope this was helpful! Or amusing, or both. Diving into these was a reminder to me that the internet, while robbing us of our attention spans and creating trolls, is still a magical place.
Talking Heads like to stay up late, and so does this email. Forward it to your favorite insomniac.