Happy birthday, you're officially old!
I've got a birthday coming up, one that I'm pretty excited about - the big 6-0.
I've always liked the turning of the decades - except for the year I turned 50. I just couldn't muster my usual enthusiasm. Though now when I think about it, it was April of 2015… I wonder if I had a premonition about the coming decade - because it's been a doozy, am I right?
But the aging thing? It doesn't bother me as much as I guess it's supposed to. I don't love everything about getting older, but I don't hate it across the board. Apparently I'm supposed to be fending it off for I'll I'm worth, fighting tooth and nail to maintain my dewy youth.
But then I didn't ever really experience a dewy youth.
I was more grunge than princess as a young woman. I've never really learned to apply makeup, skincare is anathema to me, and I've spent many years nearly bald. How do I turn from the ultimate tomboy-with-curves into some sort of youthful-but-not-young goddess?
It's not happening. And honestly, I wouldn't even bore you with any of this except that I CANNOT GET AWAY FROM IT. Everywhere I turn it's anti-aging this and stop-time-in-its-dusty-tracks that.
Aging is the thing people my age seem to hate the most, and yet they can't stop talking about it. Which is inconvenient, to say the least. Whether it's appearance or health or discrimination or invisibility, the olds are olding.
I mean, what says "I'm a grumpy geriatric" more clamorously than harping on the travails of aging?
Friend, this is no way to fight the patriarchy. I'm not suggesting you go gentle into that good night; far from it. Battle it out! Do the shit you want to do, regardless of your birth stats.
But for the love of the good green earth, stop talking about wanting to turn the clock back. I'm sorry to say it only goes in one direction on this planet. If your time's not up yet you've got hope and at least the possibility of joy.
And remember, the cult of youth is just that. It doesn't MEAN anything. Being younger is not better, it's just a different phase of life. Buying into the dream of time travel is simply another way for our corporate overlords to keep us buying stuff.
So next time we meet, feel free to tell me about your new hip, or show me pictures of your grandchildren, or ask me to recommend a doctor who can get you through menopause. I’m here for all the conversations! Let’s just do our best to avoid the “O” word.
No matter your age, you’ve got issues. To pretend that they’re worse after 50 is to admit that you’ve lost perspective. You’ve forgotten what it was like to be nine, or 17, or 32.
There’s good and bad and easy and hard at every age. Let’s try to enjoy the one we’re experiencing right now.
Ok, love you, bye!
Julia
Recommendation!
My friends Saba Khonsari and Alexis Tai have a fabulous newsletter called Burning Mom - A Festival of Rage. I mean, titles don't get better than that! Is it a coincidence that I'm highlighting this effort on the very same month they asked me to write a guest post? Let's just say that timing is everything!
Saba and Alexis, in addition to writing hard-hitting news stories, are hella funny satire writers. Seems like humor might be the only thing that keeps us sane in this unprecedentedly crazy moment in time, so put them on your Rx list for the foreseeable.
Recently published work
Yeah, seems like I just can't let it go. 🤷🏼
The Last Aging Woman in America
Garth Brooks is feeling his years, and so is this email. Forward it to someone who defies aging stereotypes.