Don't be a d*ck

Come on in, the water's fine!

I hope your day is one compliment after another.

It’s time to wade into the dating pool. 😬

Not for myself, mind; I love being single. But on behalf of anyone who's intent upon coupling up with hetero dudes.

You’d think that things would be getting better, dating-wise.

They are not.

Despite us making societal strides towards gender equality, the members of the manosphere are out here gaslighting and posturing and spewing nonsense and somehow it's working? They're convincing their bros to disrespect pretty much everyone.

Hetero men, take note. Being one of the ‘good ones’ just got harder.

If you want to be considered safe and worthy, it’s no longer enough to not harass women (or trans people of all genders, or non-binary people, or gay people, etc., etc., etc.).

You have to actively stop other men from pursuing predatory behavior. Or even just icky behavior; it’s a slippery slope and you’ve got to nip this shit in the bud.

Since Team Bro has such a terrible track record, those of us who are interested in coupling with a hetero guy need solid evidence that the one we’ve set our sights on is a good choice.

Gentlemen, if you want to date women this is what we’re going to need from you:

A clean bill of health. This includes a full STI panel, naturally, but we’re also interested in the state of your liver, resting heart rate, cholesterol levels, family health history, and any mental health issues. No judgment, we just want to know what we’re getting ourselves into.
A Police Clearance Certificate. Unfortunately we can’t take your word for having no criminal history, and we will require that a female officer does the background check.
Video evidence of you interfering in a harassment scenario. We need to see you actively stopping other men from bothering women (or anyone else). This could be at a bar, in the street, at a party, at work; wherever men bug people they are apparently interested in. (Which is basically anywhere and everywhere people live and breathe.) We want to see you call out the bro who’s being a dick and then do whatever is necessary to make sure he does not resume his idiotic behavior as soon as you’ve walked away. You will be graded on both effort and persistence. Witness statements will help your claim.
References from at least three people you’ve dated. These will be signed, dated, and notarized. The references must include the duration of the relationship and state that you do not engage in problematic behavior, defend men behaving badly, comment on people's appearance, laugh at wildly misogynist, racist or other bigoted jokes, etc.
A cover letter explaining why you're a good choice for either serious or casual dating. Feel free to tell us what we can expect on a typical day with you. How will you handle difficult conversations? How does your past dating experience make you the best candidate for a new relationship?
An excellent credit report. We are not interested in taking on responsibility for your financial missteps.
FOR EXTRA CREDIT you may provide an analysis of your social media history, indicating that you do not and have not liked problematic posts, followed dicks and fascists, or made icky comments.

Yes, it will take some time to gather your documents. But less time than it would take for one of us to carry your child to term, so it feels like you’re still getting a good deal.

And lest you feel that we’re digging into personal information that is none of our damned business, imagine being arrested for having a miscarriage. Or having your driver's license taken away because of your gender identity.

And how about taking sole responsibility for managing birth control throughout our reproductive era? (That’s around 30-40 years for women, in case you were wondering, and 60+ for men.)

Again, you’re getting off lightly.

It's time for us (women of every kind and nonbinaries who date guys) to be so goddamned picky that men will have to prove themselves if they’d like to avoid joining the incel community.

If you are a stand-up guy who has never bugged a woman after her first “no”, thank you! We’d like to keep you around. Now, could you please tell your brothers to start acting right?
If you are partnered with a terrific, non-problematic man, congratulations! You are a winner indeed. Do us all a favor and make sure he’s continually refreshing his EQ and using it to influence boys wherever possible.
And if you’re raising boys? It’s NEVER too early to start teaching them about consent, kindness and civil discourse. Get at it early and often, just like voting.

Ok, love you, bye!

Julia

Bowling For Soup knows that it's better to be nicer, and so does this email. Forward it to someone who cares about humanity.